He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
