How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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