Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
