Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
