It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
