There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
