Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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