Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
