So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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