dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
