Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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