Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
