She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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