When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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