You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who died my cat blue again?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
