In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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