he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
