Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
