Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize