What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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