Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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