I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
