my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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