He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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