1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
