my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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