he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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