i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
