I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
