I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
