grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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