How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
