that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
