she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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