big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
