you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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