WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
