He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's the barista slut.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
