omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
