You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
