Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I cannot find my penis.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
