Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
