I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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