jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
