Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
