found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Are my feet made of real feet?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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