I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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