he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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