Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
