Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize