You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
