On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you didnt know i had herpes?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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