My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
