I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
