last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
