can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
