Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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