Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
