I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
