my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
