On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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