My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
