Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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