I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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