Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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