i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
