Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize