alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
don't judge my taste in strippers
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
