I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
