never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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