my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
