If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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