dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
