You work out of a Hotel?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
