I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
