tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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