Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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