Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
