Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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