I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Im part way to drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
