Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
