Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
