Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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