grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
