Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
