I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
