Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
