high people should be assigned attendants
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
