he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
