Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize