i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
