He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
