why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
