Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
