yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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