areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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