its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
