i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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