FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
