hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
