I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
