Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
