I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
