I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize