Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
