i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
