Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
